Growing Old (Copied from my Facebook Notes)

I hate change. I hate the inevitable feeling where you know for certain you are leaving something good behind you to go on to something else. I hate change.

When I was a child I was a dreamer. I always dreamed that one day I would leave my home and live in a home where I could look over golden fields and enjoy life. I dreamed that I would be doing something I love for a living and that my wife and kids would be completely in tune with what I wanted vice versa so that we all live in harmony. I had a dream that I would leave the small town I grew up in and go somewhere big, do big things, make big impressions, and live a big life. 

When I was a teen I was a drifter. I drifted from place to place looking for someone who could accept me with all of my inadequacies. I drifted from belief to belief wishing that somehow I would come to the right answer. I drifted further from the family that I once knew and drifted even further away from the people who tried to replace them. I let my morals drift from the narrow prism that once held my mind. I drifted from the innocence of childhood into the exploration of youth and adulthood. I drifted from the purity of being naive to the filthiness of knowing the truth.

When I was in my early 20's I was an explorer. I explored the boundaries of the world and the freedoms it had to offer. I explored deeper relationship with my then girlfriend/now wife. I explored my beliefs and dove deep into the core of what they really meant. I explored the pitfalls of disobedience and the tyranny of submission. 

Now I am a man with regrets. I regret not taking advantage of life as a child. I regret spending so much time dreaming rather than living a life that I now know is only possible during that age. I regret wanting to do big things and make big impressions but not taking the immediate steps to do so. I regret my inadequacies and the drifting I did from one belief to another. I regret distancing myself from everyone around me and kedging myself into an open ocean without a true ally. I regret giving up naivety for knowledge. I regret exploring freedom further than what I should have. I regret exploring disobedience rather than training myself up to be strong. 

When I was a dreamer I was protected by the imperfect love of the people that surrounded me, and it felt perfect. When I was a drifter the waves were calmed by the people who paved the paths for me to drift upon. When I was an explorer those who drew near to me were a safety net catching me each and every time I fell, which has already been regrettably quite frequently.

I hate change. I hate when you know you can no longer hold onto a piece of yourself that you have long held on to hoping to have it back. I hate when the flicker of hope that once shined in a far off star no longer shines and you keep peering deeper hoping to find the same light you've known so long. I hate change.

I Don't Love Jesus Enough

I was riding in the car this morning and listening to some worship music when I got to thinking a little bit about the nature of Jesus. I haven't recently been as invested in Him as maybe I would like to be and the reflections of that became evident in my thought. I've been less helpful at home. I've been lazy and slow. I've been less than enthused to help with even the simplest things.

While thinking about all of the things that I do that cause me to fall short every day I was reminded that He loves us anyway. It's something that we all take for granted every single day. It didn't seem "profound" to me this morning either. It just seemed like a matter-of-fact. I mess up. Jesus still loves me. There it is.

When I progressed to the next level of thought I did garner some new inspiration though. I thought about how He loves me in spite of my faults and mistakes, and how that is true love. It reminded me that love is not a feeling that I feel toward someone; it is an action that I exhibit toward the people that matter to me. Instant conviction.

I claim to love Jesus and to follow Him, but daily I misrepresent him when I have a bad attitude or when I a allow my anger to get the best of me. Daily I spit him in the face. How much a friend am I? I don't listen when He calls and often times put other things in front of Him. How can I do those things and still claim to love Him?

Having those thoughts race through my mind I then think about the crucifixion. Jesus said "Father forgive them. They know not what they do." Jesus wasn't just speaking about the hands that crucified him; we do that every day with our "mistakes" that are another pound against the nails. Jesus was speaking to the totality of Christians who fail to comprehend the consequences of their actions and to all of humanity. In that one statement, he asked forgiveness for all of mankind who follows Him.

The Bible says, "Greater love has no man that he lay down his life for his friends," and then, "while we were sinners, Christ died for us." He took it to the next level, beyond what we as people are capable of. He died for people who were not His friends, but He loved us anyway.

If love is an action, then I need to be doing more to act in a way that exemplifies love to the people around me. We aren't called to preach values to other people. I spit on Jesus enough in one day to deserve hell several times over. Who am I to then go to a brother and tell them about their faults? The first step is to reach out to others in love and to show the love that He had for us. That is the great commission. Failing to further his cause is an abuse of His name and leaves us unworthy of it, even though He will perpetually extend His grace.

So what did this all mean to me?
It's simple. If we aren't doing the things that tell people about Jesus with our actions then we aren't acting with love toward Jesus. It's simply a lie to say you love Jesus and do nothing.

Here's the Fee for Your Childhood

I am a video game enthusiast. I have always been and up until now I have always thought that I would be. I recall playing SMB/Duck Hunt on the original NES. I remember Paperboy, Jaws, Karate Kid, Sonic the Hedgehog, NBA Jam, Final Fantasy (the whole series), Paper Mario, Maro Kart, Smash Bros., Halo, Call of Duty, Battlefield, Metal Gear, THPS, Mortal Kombat, Killer Instinct, and all the other staples that have now been added to the pandect of what many console consumers have dubbed as "Classic" games.

As a by-product of being an avid game player, I naturally seek to own some of the most recent consoles and gaming devices simply because the games that release for them are fun to play and I have an "addiction." That said, I have very fond memories of getting a GameBoy from my parents the year it released. I remember opening an N64 for Christmas. I remember playing Sonic for the first time and sitting in my living room and playing NBA Jam until I was playing against people who could teleport across the screen and slam dunk if I didn't immediately steal the ball once they passed it in.

Part of the joy of gaming is that you can experience some things that you probably would never experience in real life. It's an escape from the daily grind and a way to relax every once in a while. Another part of that joy is to share a game with your friend because you enjoyed the game so much you want them to play too. The next generation of console gaming has completely missed the entire heritage that brings to the face of gaming. Microsoft and Sony were not existent as console gaming companies when I was a kid, so naturally I shouldn't expect them to understand the same way Nintendo or Sega does.

THE NEW GENERATION OF GAMING FROM MICROSOFT

Xbox One

Here is a list of features that are 100% useless from this console that the gaming community will not like.
1. DVR - we all are still paying for cable and probably a DVR box too - this is a waste of tech
2. "Upgraded" controller - nobody was complaining about the last one
3. "Upgraded" Kinect - Nobody cares about your heartbeat while gaming - people play dance games for fun but not for exercise
4. Required to download games to hard drive
             This is actually a two part problem. The first part is that there are several people who will get irritated with the idea that their disk is essentially useless unless they want to go to another machine. The problem that comes into play with that is that when you install the game on another console, your current console will "deactivate" until you insert the disk again - annoying. All of that said, the more concerning problem is this: Xbox plans to charge you a fee if you install a game on a console and intend to play with more than one Gamertag.
             This means if I take my own game (that I paid my own money for) and I decide to give it to a friend because he likes it and I have already beat the game to smithereens Xbox intends to charge my friend a fee to play this game on his own gamertag - because he didn't purchase the game. Well excuse me, but if I am paying $60 for a game I better have the right to do WHATEVER I want with a game.
5. Blu-Ray - not only should it have come standard with the 360, but it's already available on the 360s.
6. New "Architecture" - For the gaming community you are using fancy language to say "We want more of your money." I don't see a benefit to this new architecture because ALL of the benefits you are talking about have NOTHING to do with gaming, but I am sacrificing on the gaming end to get them - hence no backward compatibility.
7. The actual Design - it looks like a VHS player and it's as fat as an NES. Come on guys, really?

OPINIONS
I was skeptical of the original Xbox when it released because I have always known Microsoft to be a very money hungry company, charging you for licenses on software that you already purchased. I originally wasn't very interested in Sony releasing Playstation either, as Sony for the most part was in the world of electronics and movies. Ultimately I did end up owning both consoles, and both of the next gen and the gen after that. I owned PSone, PS2, and my father in law has a PS3 (essentially just a Blu-Ray player now). I have owned an Xbox and an Xbox 360. Additionally I have owned an N64, Gamecube, and a Wii.

I do not see a reason to purchase an Xbox One so they can simply slap me with more fees every time I want to play a game. I will not be using the "TV" features or the music features - I have an "iToy" and a DVR box that covers all of those functions already. I do however see the Xbox One as a HUGE stab at the heritage and culture of the gaming community.

Thus far the PS4 has not spoken word of any fees for playing a borrowed game on your own gamertag, however if any fee like that is released I will probably never upgrade and/or I will probably just upgrade a computer and illegally download all of my games and burn them because I WILL NOT give my hard earned money to people who are out of touch with their consumer base - regardless of industry.