How To Be Popular

Popularity plays a huge part in who you are going to become. It defines personalities and sets tendencies for the rest of your life. Popularity has the ability to make or break someone. It causes some people to kill themselves and others to step on people to get what they want. It turns some people into the humble and respectful type and others into the ignorant and naive type. Don't agree? You will. 

Social Interactions in Early Development

Children behave very openly in a social environment largely due to the fact that they don't have any perception yet on how their desires and actions affect others emotionally. They either like something or they don't. It's actually so simplistic that it's almost perfect were it not for us meddling adults telling them that they need to "play nice." Essentially children operate on the "I want what I want and I want it now"" type mentality. You will notice the excessive use of the term "I" because at that age self is the most prominent discovery. 

The good thing about this is that when you are so young, there is no such thing as popularity. It's a simple idea of people either like you or don't like you. There aren't cliques formed based on the advantages of their assimilation. It's as simple as, "I don't like you so I'm not playing with you." Since children all have their own personality types whether they are the shy person or the social athlete it serves that many of those groups mingle simply due to the innate desire for children to know more of the world. Thus you have the artistic kids playing with the athletic ones and everyone gets along in their own way.

WHAT CAN I DO TO HELP MY KID (OR MYSELF) AT THIS STAGE?

In this stage there isn't much you can do but allow your child to experience more of the world. He/She needs to experience the wide variety of cultures and learn to respect everyone's culture. Because children operate like honest adults, they would tell you they like people who like them. If your kid is someone who is excited to learn about other people, they will have friends. If they are happy to play with anyone, they will have friends. Simple enough

Social Interactions in Early Adolescence

Once you have broken the seal and your child now has a good grasp on the idea that what they do can cause others to feel good/bad/etc. they are entering the early adolescence stage. The good part? You probably aren't to the point where hormones are influencing anything. The bad part? A lot of this stage is really in the hands of the parents and adult figures. Children who have reached this stage are no longer content with learning about the simple world in their immediate home, they are now yearning to explore and learn more about what lies beyond those doors. They are desiring friendships that move past conventional school friendships and have reached a higher sophistication level. 

Children in this level of maturity often base their likes and dislikes off of what happens outside of the regular everyday activities. For instance, if you have raised thus far a quiet child they will probably have begin assimilating themselves with other quiet children or kept to themselves. If you raised an athletic one they are probably the kind who want to play all day long and associate with those kinds of children. Children in this stage operate mostly withing the confines of what their own interests are. If someone else at school likes the same activity, it's a win.

WHAT CAN I DO TO HELP MY KID (OR MYSELF) AT THIS STAGE?

This is a stage where you need to understand and take more time to know what your child is interested in. Let them tell you more about what they like to do, who the kids are at school who like to do the same things, and find out whether they are a "loner" or someone who tries to interact. One of the roles of the parents in this stage is to assist their children to socially adapting. In my personal experience, I was not allowed much social interaction outside of school, while the other children at this stage were doing sleepovers and the other things kids do then. Problem? Without those extra activities you are placed outside the circle. I didn't attend birthday parties that everyone else was invited to. I didn't throw any parties and wasn't allowed to have people over. As a parent, this is the stage where if your kid isn't getting invited to do things, then you throw the party yourself and let your kid invite the friends they want. Remember, everyone likes to be invited to a party, and if your child is the one doing the inviting, then other kids will like them as a bi-product. 

Social Interactions in Adolescence

Once your child hits puberty and starts experiencing hormones you are throwing a wrench in the program. Here's the good news. If your kid has been socially active already there's a good chance that even if their "best friend" changes daily they will have people to hang out with. With hormones engaged it's really unpredictable as to what will happen with your children. Many times the social strata that become important have to do with physical development and perceived maturity. 

One of the biggest things teens think of as a mature topic is sex. I'm not a believer in having your kid engage in sexual activity. I do however think that because the topic of romance, which now enters the mind of your child, is a much more broad spectrum you now have the opportunity to help your child ease into some more mature level thinking and still preserve their innocence. Children up to this point haven't had any direction in regard to what they are doing romantically, and they shouldn't. One of the biggest things teens desire at this point is freedom.

WHAT CAN I DO TO HELP MY KID (OR MYSELF) AT THIS STAGE?

Teens experiencing hormones are just breaking the cusp of maturity and have a very surface level understanding of romance and the implications of deeper levels of romance. They are beginning to understand the concepts of freedom in a controlled environment relatively free of consequence. Sheltering your child at this point is actually counter-intuitive to what you have raised them like your whole life. If  you have consistently sheltered them from everything, they may easily want to break from those chains. If you suddenly start trying to shelter them, it becomes more enticing (I.E. I only want the cookies because I was told I cannot have them). At this stage you need to help your children be socially active and give them more leash to work with. Having parties at your place is a good idea but set some boundaries. Remember, wherever you set the line, they will step over. If you say "No sex" they will tiptoe the line of sex. If you say "No spin the bottle" you will tiptoe that line. More often parents draw the line at the point of no return rather than drawing the line further in realizing that their children will step over regardless. If you are thinking, "Oh my kid would never do that" you are wrong. Your kid does that. The most important thing at this point is your teen's perception of freedom and their understanding of where you draw the line. Your line might be "home by 10pm" and you should expect 10:30-11:00pm then. Your line might be "you cannot wear (insert risque clothing item)" and you should expect them to get as close to that as possible or simply wear it when you aren't around. Some kids are very honest and never go beyond the line, but most do. Set the lines in a place that you are actually comfortable with the line being slightly crossed, and then stick to your guns on the line. 

If you set a line really far inside, you should realize that you also then need to extend more freedom. There is a balance in the minds of teenagers where they understand freedom as a reflection of their actions. If they are obedient with your really narrow guidelines have they not earned the right to more freedom given that they remain inside those parameters?

NOTES:

You will notice that in all of these steps the concept of parental involvement is implied. You should know who your kid's best friends are. You should know the boy/girl that your child thinks is cute. You should know how many friends they have on Facebook, who the "popular" kids are, what sports they are interested in, what subjects they like in school, where people are going to hang out on the weekends, and anything else that is high up on the ladder of importance for your kid. As a pre-teen and teen my parents were more of the "Jesus take the wheel" style parents instead of the "Jesus put me in charge of you" type parents. There were no lines drawn until after a line was crossed, which makes it more confusing as to what is okay and what is not. They had no idea what my social interactions were like, and as a result were unable to help. 

If your child is unpopular by choice because of their personality, then popularity will probably not have a big affect on them as they will probably be more independent anyway. If they are unpopular against their will and aren't empowered to change their circumstances you are hurting them twice. They are going to school and feeling alone and withdrawn because they have no way to relate to the rest of the children and then they come home and feel that their parents aren't aligned with them which causes them to feel helpless. 

My daughter is only 2 years old, and I know I won't have the perfect kid. I know I make mistakes regularly and that ultimately children will go the way they want. I am speaking from the personal perspective of someone who grew without the option to take my own social life into my hands.

Bucket Lists Are For Losers

I was just dropping my wife and daughter off yesterday and as I drove away (not permanently) I couldn't help but feel overwhelmingly sad. As I pondered what would happen if I died, I realized that I would never see my beautiful daughter grow into a wonderful woman. I would never see my wife grow old and as much as I get irritated by pop radio, I wouldn't have another person irritating me with those songs.

I realize more and more that death intrinsically doesn't hold any level of fear to me. I'm not afraid of the pain or where my soul goes. I am however afraid of the wakes and ripples that it leaves behind. The scars and the tremors felt at your core resound for life and it's something you never escape.

I had at one point had the notion in my mind that somehow taking the time to create long lasting memories would simply enhance the pain when someone passes. While initially there is some truth to that, and while it may be selfish, I am no longer thinking that way. I am not thinking I will live forever, but I want to squeeze every ounce of love into the moments that I have with my family.

I've never been the kind of person who wants to go the traditional route with anything. I want to live as long as I possibly can and see my grandchildren grow up. I want to be able to view more of the world God made for us and spend time with my wife soaking up all of the beauty there is to be soaked up. I don't have a bucket list because I have a distinct thought that it stops me from living in the moment. I at one point put off other goals because I wanted to achieve one at a time and reach for the closest one. Living life that way means I miss a lot of life.

Jesus calls us to lay down our own lives because there is MORE LIFE in living for what other people want. There is more life in the will of Christ and through changing other people than simply sticking to "the plan" only to find out in the end that the car you bought will be sold when you die. Your dream home will be sold or auctioned too. That collection of whatever it is you collect will be slowly dissected and the most valuable assets will be sold and the rest will be junked. My new bucket list is simple:

BUCKET LIST:
1) Live every moment with the highest amount of love I can pour into it

I am not perfect and I don't expect I will be able to keep this up 100% of the time, but even if I fail at 80% I will be experiencing a lot more of life. In the end if I didn't realize all of my selfish ambitions I got to see something WAY more beautiful. I got to help other people realize their ambitions and watch them come to fruition.

Being old isn't beautiful, but the journey to being old is. Being wise isn't beautiful, but learning from your mistakes is. Having a kid is beautiful, but raising that kid and watching them grow is more beautiful.

That's all, but for the record, when I die here is a small list of things I WOULD like taken care of:
1. I want every last possible amount of my body that can save someone else to be used (wife's discretion)
2. At my funeral I want a bar that serves soda of several kinds but no alcohol - sorry no drunks at the funeral
3. When people walk into my funeral I want party music playing - I'm gonna be partying it up with Jesus
4. I do not want people wearing black to my funeral. Anything but black. Chinese Silk is extra credit.
5. Besides the aforementioned requests, I want the least expensive funeral possible
6. On my tombstone I don't want a quote from anyone. I want my hand print and the words "gimme five" (for added fun you can add the ironic words "too slow" underneath, however that might be too sad for the moment)
7. If you are at my funeral and there have been no embarrassing stories told about me I officially charge you with that responsibility simply for reading this list. If there has been a few - one more doesn't hurt.
8. I don't want speeches about how "I was a good man" or any of that generic stuff. I'm cynical and stubborn. I want people joking and having a pseudo-fun time even though it's sad.
9. When you walk into and out of my funeral I want the ushers to be giving high fives to everyone.
10. If someone gets up to leave the funeral, I want the service to stop and everyone stare at them until they leave, then continue. If they are crying however, this should not happen - that's cruel.

I Don't Really Like People

I have made a joke on Facebook about liking cake more than I like most people. It's the truth sometimes and reality is that I am a user. I use people for what they bring to the relationship and quite honestly I keep an emotional distance from people. Most of that is simply due to the fact that I my emotional spectrum is usually limited. I love my wife and my daughter, but honestly I struggle deeply with developing emotional connections with many other people. 

I just moved away from the few friends I had in Kenosha back in October and quite honestly I didn't feel a thing about it and personally the lack of feeling there bothers me, but I really don't know how to change it and I don't really care to. I'd rather live bothered that I don't care than bother to change it and most of that is due to functionality because when I allow those emotions to come into play I am nearly useless.

I could tell you the logical answer that I have been told from "experts" in the field: I over invested emotionally when I was a kid and the let downs from those emotional investments cut deep enough that I choose to withdraw rather than feel those emotions again. So what does that do for me now? I don't have a time machine to go fix that so that is about the most useless thing people have ever said to try and help.

I guess that could be true, but honestly it's not a cognitive decision for me. I hang out with people. I have a good time. When it's over, it's over. So what? Does that mean that I am going to be upset if I don't see you again? Maybe/ Maybe not. It's things like that in my emotions that make me hate myself every once in a while. 

The hypocritical part about all of it is that all the while I realize that these emotions are offensive to some people and I would be equally offended, I still feel that way and don't change that. I made a comic about how people clean their friend's list and how it must be weird to do that in real life, but reality is that it's much simpler than that. I move away. I don't talk to you anymore. 

I think my problem is that I don't really know how to make friends that well. I talk way too much and I interrupt people unknowingly, but really I just want people to like me and I don't really know how to do that. When I am speaking I hope people agree with what I have to say because I know that having similar opinions usually aligns people. I keep talking because I really want to solidify the common interest there and I always feel like I'm gaining respect. In my mind I don't emotionally care about their story, but I am collecting data and comparing against other experiences almost on a conscious level, and it empowers me to make larger connections. It's what allows me to make statements about people that they probably didn't think I knew. I assume that people then want to hear as much as they are giving out. I am talking and talking and I don't realize the point where it turns from, "Wow this guy has a lot of interesting things to say" to, "Wow this guy doesn't know when to shut up."

Quite honestly, if you are able to read this, you have probably wished several times in a conversation with me that I would just shut my mouth. Don't feel bad about it - I talk too much. It's a cover for the fact that I really don't have the ability to connect with you emotionally on the same level that you can. I won't realize when I have talked too much, so please interrupt me. I probably won't even notice, but I do notice when you walk away disinterested. I do notice when everyone else is getting together and I am not invited. Those are the things I'm trying to avoid when I am talking too much. I never learned the power of silence so please have a little mercy. 

Ideally I could live in a countryside home, listen to music, stare out the window at God's beautiful creation and feel more emotionally connected than by hanging out with friends. My wife and my daughter give me a feeling that the world is actually a better place. My wife is able to see through all of that lack of emotion to who I really am and while I cannot imagine the frustration I bring to her daily, she struggles through that because she cares for me that much. My daughter is too young yet to be corrupted by anything like this, and as a father I rue the day someone hurts her feelings because I am such an emotional cripple myself. She is well accepted by large groups of people, and that is a huge blessing from God.

I can connect more emotionally with music and that's why I love music so much. As I am writing, the song "Nothing Left To Say / Rocks" is playing. I could care less about the lyrics because the actual mood of the song is 100% the emotion that I am feeling. The only problem is that those feelings are not translated by other people in the same way. I could play the song for you and none of you would say, "I know what you mean." You would simply look at me like I'm crazy. I hear the song and I think about sitting in my room as a kid with nothing to worry about. I'm watching a sunset over a ripe harvest of corn and the reflections are hues of yellow, orange, brown and red. The sky burns in orange and white to the west and feigns in blue and purple to my back. I can feel the cool on my back and the warmth on my face and it's relaxing. The silence of this place is unmatched which is ironic in itself because without the music this place wouldn't exist. 

Now that I realize that I have rambled much too far and if you are still reading this you are probably like, "man when will this guy shut up." If you aren't thinking that, then you probably simply looked at this blog and skimmed because you looked at it like, "man, this guy always talks too much." Really, most of my friends probably wouldn't read this on their best day anyway...so with that I'll end this blog

All My "Gay" Features

Being a boy who doesn't care about sports IMMEDIATELY ostracized me as a kid. I instead enjoyed things like art and music which most other guys simply didn't share interest to the same degree as myself. I tried to play sports in the traditional sense, and looking back now that I am older, I simply enjoy other sports like Snowboarding, Biking, Rock Climbing, etc. The problem growing up is that those aren't in the pandect of acceptable interests in school. I was labeled an outcast.

As part of that, when someone is cast out from the majority we adapt to survive. If you aren't accepted into the main group you assume to join a different one. For many people like myself it becomes a difficult transition, and there are always groups to reach out. Particularly because I enjoyed acting, art, movies, music, and other fine arts I was reached out to from the gay community while at the same time having the majority assimilate me into that group.

Here's the thing. Being homosexual means that you desire to have the body of a someone the same gender as you. People as a collective are still people and you can develop a relationship with whomever and whatever you like. I'm not starting a debate about choice or birth, I'm simply saying that homosexuality is desiring a person with the same anatomy as yourself. 

I found/find it extremely offensive that people thought I was gay because I enjoyed music and art. I'm not usually one to brag about artistic talent, but when I was a kid many people said I had a natural talent for it. I had two older brothers who routinely crushed me at every sport I tried, so I chose to stick with what I was good at. I liked music because it provided an escape from where I was and let my imagination take me to thoughts and places other than what I had known. I liked theater because it allowed me to be someone other than who I was, which in my case was a welcome relief. 

HERE'S THE POINT: Things that do NOT make you homosexual

1. The way you dress 
2. How well you do/do not understand fashion
3. The way that you talk
4. The way you move or gesture
5. Interest or disinterest in sports or "manly" things
6. Interest in theater and performing arts
7. Being well spoken and enunciating
8. Having more friends of the opposite gender than of your own
9. Being artistic or musically inclined
10. Having a close friend of the same gender that you confide in
11. Not having an interest in the opposite sex (some people aren't interested at all in anything)
12. Liking animals that are "cute" or small
13. ANY OTHER STEREOTYPE USED TO LABEL SOMEONE

For the record: when I was a little kid I tried to walk in my mom's heels (1), I have a decent understanding of fashion and actually would really enjoy designing clothes (2), I have a higher pitched voice for a guy(3), some people said when I was growing up that I didn't have a "manly" walk (4), I was never much interested in classic sports (5), I was really into theater as a teen and was cast in a college play (6), I HATE when people use poor language (7), I had more friends that were girls and not girlfriends growing up than guys who would spend time with me (8), I draw-paint-write poems-write music-play:guitar-piano-drums-most brass instruments-most wood instruments (9), In high school my friend Eli was probably a better friend than anyone I knew and he knows more about me than most people (10), As a teen I didn't see a purpose to dating if I wasn't planning to marry anyone (11), and lastly I have always liked smaller dogs simply because they are easier to care for (12). Not one of those things makes me gay because I DO NOT PREFER MEN. 

Stop casting people out because they aren't like you. Stop pushing people into certain groups just because they like certain things.This is NOT just written to people who are not gay, but it is written to gay people who do the SAME THING! I was equally offended by gay people thinking I was gay because of these things as I was by people who were straight thinking them. THERE IS NO DIFFERENCE. HATE IS HATE.

What Makes Me Pessimist

I am not a positive person. I typically look for flaws and imperfections. It is incredibly easy for me to see holes in something or someone before I see their virtuous qualities. I like to think that I am incredibly expedient in processing logical equations, but it's really a nice way of saying that I'm a pessimist. I enjoy a good debate, and often have the knack for turning it into a flat out argument. I am the last one to compliment others. I am overly critical of what everyone else does and I rarely step up to the plate myself to fix or help the very thing I criticize. 

My motivations for being who I am are very different than what comes off. I look for flaws and imperfections to help the people I care about avoid the aggravation and struggle of working through them. It is easy for me to see the holes in people and plans because I don't typically judge based on them. I generally am a pessimist because I want to avoid the pain that comes with let down. I argue and debate because I believe that intrinsically if people are shown truth and light that they WILL change. I do not compliment others because I often times feel like my compliments would not seem genuine. I criticize because I believe that people as a collective have the ability to be better than what I see. 

Motivations are lies. They are what my mind tells me to feel good about myself. They are the perspective of my prideful self looking into a situation and doing the most diligence for self preservation. They are the feelings that I have and the thoughts that I have, but really they are mostly generated out of fear. 

Like most people I have had a lot of moments in my life where I struggled and worked my way through imperfections. I am generally afraid of my imperfections because many times they seem insurmountable. Like everyone else I notice when people are empty and longing or have a missing piece, and I relate to them. I don't judge others based on their holes because reality is that I have my own gaping holes that without Christ I couldn't patch if I tried. I have a regular struggle with leaning on Him for this or that, and as a result I identify with other people's imperfections. I have had a LOT of let down in my life. Some of the biggest let downs I have ever had are ones where I felt abandon from my family and from my friends. Some things were as small as broken promises. Ultimately I don't linger on the surface of those let downs, but the ripples of repeated let downs have me pessimistic because I generally do not trust people to hold up their end. I could justify it by noting that people prove me right, but it's just me making another excuse for my own pride. I argue and want people to change because as ironic as it is I am tired of fighting. I am tired of trying to be perfect and trying to be everything that people expect of me. I think to myself, "If the rest of the world is a let down then why am I trying so hard?" but what it really comes down to is that I myself do not like change and I don't want to give up myself. Growing up I didn't receive many compliments. I wasn't the "well liked" kid and I haven't been cultivated to compliment others. It's not an excuse it's a matter of fact, and I don't compliment people often because I am someone who holds on to my past subconsciously rather than in my conscious mind. It's a passive retaliation to the hurt I felt growing up. I have had several people poke holes at me and I criticize others to do the same. Reality is that I don't have the stones to be doing what they are doing or I would simply do it. I criticize because I am too afraid to do something myself. 

In the end I operate mostly out of fear and hurt. I've never seen the line that divides "happy" people from "unhappy" people and I am happy with my life. While I know the Christian response will be to lean on Christ I still seek a more surface level answer. How do you change from operating out of fear to operating out of love? How can I trust people while witnessing let downs and disappointments? How do you let go?

I Aim To Offend

I have noticed recently that America is bent on self satisfaction and the opposition of offense. Everyone wants to hear, "It's okay if it's good for you." Reality check. It is not okay just because you feel it's good for you. This post is meant to offend and I'm sure it will. I'm not telling you to take it with a grain of salt or even apologizing. America needs to be offended. Here we go.

OFFENSIVE TOPICS

Intelligence: America is on a steady declining slope of intelligence as compared to the rest of the globe. We embrace cultures that substitute real words for slang SO much that slang like "funner" is ACTUALLY in the dictionary as of 2010! When I see things like this I reflect back to my childhood when people said to get smart and you can do anything. People want to know why our country is in so much turmoil? Here's the real issue. American's are too stupid to realize that politicians are smarter than them. Many of us are too ignorant to understand that we have the power to empower ANYONE we choose because of our constitution. America gets angry and blames politicians for everything but they cannot rise to power except on the backs of Americans. The key sign that Americans are uninformed and ignorant is the very fact that they re-elect officials and then denounce them once they gain office.

What's the point? America, do your research. You have zero right to complain about something if you haven't taken the time to truly understand the problem. I cannot complain about a government that doesn't serve my needs without knowing what is really wrong.

Obesity: America is fat. We are lazy and fat. If you are skinny and reading this, you are probably just skinny fat due to the fact that your metabolism runs faster (Google: Skinny Fat). Good for you, you're still killing yourself (http://justlikedrew.blogspot.com/2013/04/the-smoke-detector.html?spref=fb). The amount of information on what it takes to be healthy and prolong your life and avoid diseases and medical conditions is insanely abundant yet many people simply don't know what to do. Why? Because we are lazy. We are too lazy to stick to a simple gym routine. We are too lazy to cook dinner. We are too lazy to have a family sit down and take a night to spend together.

What's the point? America, stop being so lazy. The road to death and suffering is paved with good intentions. "I'm going to get my life right when I am ready" is a nice way to say, "I'm not getting my life right." 

Guns: Guns in our country have become a huge issue. If you are ignorant enough to not believe it, simply look at what other happenings have gone on recently. There was a stabbing where people were injured - no deaths. There was a bombing just yesterday in Boston - two deaths. The last public shooting rendered over 20 deaths of young children. I am tired of hearing people say the government is coming for your weapons. I am tired of people saying that criminals will just use something else. I am tired of people saying they need to protect their family.

Common Gun Excuses / Easy Solutions:
1. Government is coming for my guns / You can't stop a bomb and they can steal them when you're gone
2. Criminals will find other weapons / The stabbings and bombings have PROVEN less effective at killing
3. Family Protection / Get a Security System, Get shatter proof windows and dead bolt locks, get a guard dog, use an AirSoft gun, etc. If none of that was able to stop a guy from breaking in, then you probably WILL need lethal force. If you haven't done ANY of that, you have ZERO right to lethal force. If you have done everything to protect your family and your gun is the last resort, more power to you.

What's the point? America has a "Call Of Duty" complex where we want to feel all macho and tough. We say, "I'd like to see them come in and try to hurt my family." Reality? How many people are breaking in your place regularly? Of those people how many do you think have the express purpose to hurt your family instead of steal from you? If these criminals happen to break in the room where your guns are, what do you do now? I HAVE NEVER SEEN A MORE SCARED PERSON THAN SOMEONE WHO HIDES BEHIND A GUN, and they are the most dangerous because they rarely store the weapons properly, leaving them open access to people who ARE crazy or dangerous. You have the right to bear arms, NOT to use them as a first resort.

Apathy: We are a pathetic lot when we are raising a generation with complete apathy. Terms like "YOLO" abound because people simply don't care anymore. America has spurned our opportunity SO much that the next generation is in a state of hopelessness. People are accepting of mothers raising children alone. People are accepting of parents working all week long and spending no time with their children. People are accepting of television programming and music that teaches our kids and teaches us that being smart and diligent isn't "cool." You know what? If we took all the people dying to be "cool" and simply pushed them into the ocean the rest of society can rise above stupid stuff like that. There is no such thing as cool. I am tired of seeing people who have a goal to be famous or infamous at any cost. I am tired of seeing train wreck people living train wreck lives on television. The only thing worse is the people who actually watch that stuff so they can feel like their own lives are better. You aren't any better. You are just as bad.

What's the point? When I was growing up "Toleration" was pushed on my generation. Tolerate people who have different views. Tolerate homosexuality. Tolerate your circumstances. Tolerate friends. The new generation has "acceptance" pushed all over it. Accept homosexuality. Accept your circumstances. Accept Friends. Accept mediocrity. Accept inferiority. Accept abuse. Accept neglect. Accept that you won't have a father. Both of these are right in some respects and wrong in others. Tolerate opposing views, but you don't have to accept them. Tolerate your circumstances but strive to persevere. Accept your friends, but be willing to hold them accountable. Never accept or tolerate mediocrity, inferiority, abuse, neglect, fatherlessness, carelessness, or anything else that causes you to be less than you were meant to.

Morality: There is an absolute truth and there is such thing as right and wrong. There is no such thing as, "It's okay for you, but not for me." That's just clever wording for, "I'm better than you." There is no such thing as relative truth. Truth by definition NEEDS to be absolute or it cannot exist. If truth changes, then truth doesn't exist because it can always change to whatever, so then truth is simply opinion. If truth does not exist at all, then the statement that truth does not exist is a paradox. TRUTH MUST BE ABSOLUTE. MORALITY MUST BE ABSOLUTE. If it's not okay for me, then it's not okay for ANYONE. If someone said to you, "Smoking is bad for you, but it's okay for me," would you accept that? Of course not. It causes cancer and several other problems. 

What's the point? You shouldn't be living for what feels good. I'm sure a murder feels good in the moment someone gets revenge. I'm sure a rape feels good to the offender. I'm sure robbery feels good when you have more for yourself. What you FEEL is not an indicator of what is right. If you FEEL like your love is equal to everyone else's, compare it. Does your love last as long as the strongest love? Is your love as patient and kind as some people's? There is a truth. It hurts your pride but it sets you free. The reason truth sets you free is because you are no longer bound to your opinion or to your own mind, but to an absolute. It's a constantly never changing entity and you are no longer burdened with trying to defend yourself. Truth will defend you. 

SUMMARY
Intelligence: America needs to smarten up. Do your research. Be intelligent.

Obesity: America needs to stop being lazy. Get your life right. Live healthy.

Guns: America needs to humble themselves. Admit you have weakness. Think first.

Apathy: America needs to hope again. Strive to be better. Expect more.

Morality: America needs to abandon pride. Search for the answers. Know truth.

If you are offended by this - good. You should be. It's offensive. Nobody ever changed who wasn't upset by what they were currently doing. Nobody every becomes better unless they realize that there is something that NEEDS to get better in the first place. You don't go to the doctor if everything is okay. You go when something is hurt. I am no doctor, but the reality is that America is sick. 

Failure = Freedom

All of my life growing up I was told, "You are so smart...you can be [insert respected profession]." Every adult in my life since the time I entered first grade has been telling me about all of the things that I could do for people. Many of them have sited a further ability to process logically and connect large concepts as the main catalyst for this. 

To be quite honest, I never wanted to be any of the things that people asked me to be. I don't want to be a doctor, although I'm sure I could do a good job of it. I don't want to be a lawyer or anything else that carries prestige of that nature. Many people have looked at where I am and consider what I am and what I do successful and many have considered it failure to use my potential. 

A band that I used to listen to coined it rather simply:

"There's nothing like complete exhaustion 

The atrophy of complete defeat 
The feeling of the world upon my shoulders 
And realizing I am incomplete 
Well there's a lot of freedom in failure 
Of recklessness of weightless abandonment " - Brave Saint Saturn

I was pining my entire life to live up to standards that everyone else set for me. I wanted to be the smartest, the most well-payed, the most famous, the most "successful" (whatever that means). The thing that I had to learn was that the whole time I was yearning to make things happen on my own, my soul was reaching out for something larger than myself and in a sense holding me back. Not holding me back from what I should be, but holding me back from being distracted by a feint illusion of happiness and a future that ultimately would serve to be more and more self gratifying. The other thing is that it seemed the closer that I got to achieving success the further it walked away. I can name several times in my life where it seemed a fruit was dangled directly in front of me to be wildly successful and then it disappears. The enemy works like that.  

Christ calls each and every one of us to serve others and deny ourselves. When we die daily as He calls us to, we are crucifying our own desires and as a result we pin all of our successes and failures on Him. We have all heard a lot of this in sermons and it's a tired speech, but many people take it there and simply stop - robbing you of the real statement. 

When you nail your success and failure to Christ, you are freed from the burden of failure because He will turn all things to good for THOSE THAT LOVE HIM. I struggled in life a lot and have had many things come up that I simply could not understand and when I look back it all boils down to a simple concept of not relying on Him. He will honor your obedience and your sacrifices with blessings.

Tricks Satan uses to rob you of your spiritual purpose:

1) Distracting you with goals that are self serving (Money, Power, Success, Achievement, Fame, etc.)

2) Preys on your emotions of inadequacy

3) Gives thoughts of doubt and emotions of fear (The bible says almost 365 times not to fear)

4) Has you looking for physical signs of His presence (Testing God)

                  -For the record, once I became more obedient I started seeing much more of His presence

5) Engages you in logical reasoning against God's will (Versus leaning not on your own understanding)

Many people think that Satan is there to try to harm you and punish you. I feel that those notions could not be farther from the truth. The Art of War by Sun Tzu speaks to strategy as deception. To be victorious you should make your enemy think you are weak when you are strong, unorganized when you are organized, unprepared while you stand ready, and several other deceptions along those lines. If you think that Satan is unintelligent in the Art of War you are fooling yourself. Satan will make you think that he is very strong, when comparatively to God he is incredibly weak. He will make you think that he doesn't have a plan for you when he is consistently searching for whom he can devour. He will make you think that the bad things that are happening in your life are all because of him, when all the while he is tempting you with sinful desires to lead you astray.

Don't be fooled. Money, Knowledge, Power, Beauty, Wisdom, and all other things will pass away but His word. The only thing that will ever matter in life is the effect you have on other people and when you sacrifice yourself you are free to fail because the overwhelming power of Christ takes over and turns things to good FOR you. It's the ultimate safety net.

Jesus Believed In Evolution

I recently was engaged in a topic with a friend regarding the trials and tribulations of Evolution-ism versus Creationism. While I am myself someone who believes in Jesus Christ, I do have some ideas that stray from the conventional notions of "right wing" christians.

NO SUCH THING AS PROOF
Many times people want PROOF on one side or the other that Evolution and The Big Bang started everything, or that God Created everything. Let's be clear. There is no such thing as PROOF in religion or theory. It will either be based off of an educated guess or simply on faith. But on to the topic.

USING THE BIBLE WITH/AGAINST SCIENCE
To be entirely objective, you need to look at the bible as a book that is historically very accurate but still written by man and the theories of evolution and the big bang also the same. If you contend that a writing of man is being put to a writing of God, you are simply undone by a narrow reply that "God said it" and the like. I personally believe the Bible is the written word of God, but for the topic at hand, let's say it was written by man and is historically pretty accurate.

ARGUMENTS FOR CREATIONISM

1. No transitional fossils have been found to prove a phase of transition of one evolutionary form to another

1. Evolution as a theory posits that everything was created from nothing (i.e. the big bang)

1. In Genesis the Bible speaks to a creation as a literal six (seventh day rested) venture

1. Evolutionary reasoning is circular and therefore flawed

1. Certain animals do not exhibit evolutionary traits

ARGUMENTS FOR EVOLUTION

1. Dinosaurs (and their lack of mention in a scriptural text matching fossils)

1. The age of the earth (approx. 4.54 billion years)

1. Observed adaptation of animals based on surrounding areas

1. Mathematical formulation regarding the expansion and contraction of the universe

1. Biblical inconsistency regarding creation

1. M Theory

So rather than tackle each individual topic for each argument I am going to pose a series of thoughts and questions supporting how I think these two theories can work together. 

COULD GENESIS BE AN ALLEGORY FOR CREATION?

In the bible, Jesus is referred to as "The Word" several times. In Genesis it begins, "In the beginning there was the word and the word was God, and the word was with God." This lends most scholars to the theological notion that Jesus (who is the spoken word of God) was with God at the time of creation. My personal belief on this is that if it can be written allegorically regarding Jesus at this point, why can it not be that the creation story is an allegory explaining a larger concept? 

The literal story in Genesis DOES have some inconsistencies. For instance, it says that there was light on day one. Light comes from stars, which were not created until after day two. So where did this light come from? Additionally, Genesis posits the idea of a "day" but in the same context says that the first day the earth was formless and empty. A day is our interpretation of how long the earth revolves on its axis. If the earth was formless and empty, how could it revolve and create a day? Some people contend that there was morning (12 hours) and evening (12 hours) as is written in Genesis but the concept of morning itself is based on the time that the sun is rising in the sky. In fact, morning changes for each different time zone on the earth that you are in. So then morning and evening could not have existed on day one either, but then there could not be a day? Another idea that Genesis could be an allegory for a larger concept that was hard to understand.

Jesus in the new testament teaches us primarily using stories and parables. Each of the stories is used to teach a point that has a larger value and meaning than the actual context of the story. In fact, almost every time He has something to say He uses a parable. Would it not seem fitting that the Word of God, which is Jesus, would maintain the same mode of operation? Doesn't Jesus say that He is the same yesterday, today, and forever? This is yet another idea lending to the idea that Genesis could be an allegory. 

DINOSAURS?

If Genesis is an allegory then we are justified in our other thinking to resolve such conflicts as dinosaurs, the age of the earth, and biblical inconsistencies. Those simply dissolve because the time factors ascribed to that book are now open and suggest that God is a loving God who has compassion on people who cannot possibly understand existence outside of time, since we ourselves are bound to time.

Some Christians refer to monsters of the Bible as dinosaurs, but it's simply not compatible with what we currently know as a fact about some dinosaurs. They site Behemoth and Leviathan specifically because they are termed as monsters in the bible, but the bible itself refutes the idea that these could be the predator dinosaurs that we are speaking of:

Many people think Leviathan was a dinosaur. Specifically this is not plausible because not only is the etymology for the monsters name indicative that it was a sea monster that was not on land (mind you we have many "sea monsters" nowadays and we know less about our oceans than we do about space) but also  in Isaiah 27:1 he is called the "wriggling serpent" who will be killed at the end of time. If dinosaurs are extinct, then this verse cannot be true or Leviathan cannot be a dinosaur. 

Other people refer to Behemoth as a dinosaur. While initially I have to say that it was a tempting thought to jump into, when you look at the actual evidences it proves less plausible. Even the bible itself says "Behold now the behemoth that I have made with you; he eats grass like cattle" which is directly opposite of any of our dinosaurs that were meat eaters. 

By all factual data and word written in our own Bible, it is very unlikely that humans lived during the time of the dinosaurs. There is no recollection of men needing to slay dinosaurs and no archaeological findings that are consistent with the time periods and anything regarding humans and dinosaurs together. 

SETTLING THE BIG BANG AND THE CONCEPTS OF EVOLUTION

So there is never any one thing that will make people happy regarding evolution and creation. If you follow M Theory, it basically boils down to the concept of everything in the universe being determined by a vibration and how the tiniest organisms vibrate determines what they are. Look at this a little deeper in the context of Christianity.

A voice is nothing but your vocal chords VIBRATING. In the bible Moses cannot even look into God's face or he could very well be blown off the mountain. How much more do you think his voice could do? I look at this personally and I think that M Theory perfectly supports creationism. When God spoke the Word (Jesus), the vibrations that came from his mouth into our universe became everything that we know and they way they vibrate, which would vary depending on what He said, determines what they are. Some people say that this is silly, but Jesus said himself that if we kept quite that the stones would cry out, which means they would vibrate with the frequency of God. You can make any substance speak if you vibrate it at the right frequency - that's the basic concept of primitive vocal recording. 

If you get into the concepts of evolution, the actual theory is that : the phylogeny of all species is wholly ascribable to the combined effects of random variation (mutation) in genotypes of the members of a stock as a result of the operation of undirected accidents with consequences to their phenotypes and the operation of preferential (but by no means certain) survival of those resulting phenotypes most suited to survive in the contemporary environment. The proposed system survives largely because of genetic factors that avidly conserve the ontogeny of the stock.

Well here is the breakdown:  change in the gene pool of a population from generation to generation by such processes as mutation, natural selection, and genetic drift.

So the concept that things change over time you find that it is observably true. Things will change over time due mutation, survival of the fittest (natural selection) or genetics simply winning out. Darwin studied several birds that changed from generation to generation based simply on their location and the vegetation available to them. Things DO change over time, people, places and things. 

Jesus actually calls us to be changed ourselves by the renewing of our mind. Paul also suggests that Christians start on Milk and then move to solid food - suggesting that we change over time. The bible also says that when we accept Christ that we are a NEW creation. The OLD has passed away - another homage to evolution - the process of changing over time. The bible also says to daily repent, take up your cross, and follow Him. This again suggests that we need to be changing over time because we keep repenting of sins over time. 

If the concept of change over time in the bible is prevalent, change over time is prevalent in the observable universe, and the common consensus is that change over time is a reality, then why try to fight it?

THE DIALED DOWN VERSION OF ALL OF THIS (WHAT I BELIEVE)

I believe that my God is bigger than we can ever imagine. I believe that Jesus Christ is the ONLY way to get to heaven. I believe that in the beginning, God spoke some sets of words and out of obedience our universe came to be and that (Similar to a comic book Multiverse) God can exist both inside and outside of this universe. I believe that since our universe is bound by time and space that any universes or areas beyond our universe are impossible to conceive. As a result, I believe that Jesus/God dial the concept of creation of our universe into a story that is much easier to dissect because I believe our God wants us to know things and gave us minds to think for a reason. I believe that when he spoke, matter of all kinds burst forth from his mouth which to our human mind and eyes might appear as coming from nowhere since we are bound by space and time and he was speaking from beyond space and time - which could be the formation of a singularity - that is God. I think that God told everything to go forth and reproduce because he created everything to change over time and by obeying Him they are furthering the purposes of His creation and show us beauty in the divine art that is evolution and the change that He commands of not only His creation but us. I believe that God is always the same and as a result when He speaks in parables and stories in the Bible it would make sense that He is the MASTER story teller so if he chose to make that story in Genesis loop itself like that He would then be lending that we look further with the spirit that He gave us to see that what we observe in his creation is His intent. 

My First Girlfriend Was Little Debbie

When I was a kid I was not generally THAT fat. I was always kind of chubby, but never really fat until about a year after having left my home. This was mostly due to the fact that I was eating many high sugar, high carb, and high fat foods in one sitting and consuming them in volumes that wouldn't be healthy for two people, let alone myself. I have been doing much of the raising of myself since the age of 13 with a host of supporters from several different angles. Here are some things they DON'T teach you growing up that would have changed my life had I known:

1) Go outside and be active
I was told to go play outside several times and quite honestly most times it was simply a way for adults to rid themselves of the burdens of being a parent for a small time and relax. I understand that. The part they never tell you about is that the activity your children and even us as adults get when being outside and active is more productive to a healthy lifestyle than even trying to work out at home.

2) Carbohydrates can make you FAT
When I was a kid, the food pyramid looked something like this:

Reality is that the meat and poultry section should be much closer to the bottom. I had a lot of bread and cereal and pasta as a kid and what happens when you don't burn those is that they turn directly into fat - JUST LIKE SUGAR AND FAT ALREADY DO. Higher lean proteins, vegetables, fruits, and dairy products are more of what you need.

3) Healthy food can taste good
I was always served healthy food with the least amount of creativity possible. Peas slopped on a plate. Spinach in a soupy goop. Beans served from a can or in a sloppy soup of meat and sauce. It was never something that tasted great to me. Specifically, most vegetables had a raw flavor that wasn't that great and the texture of beans didn't sit well with meat to me.

                  TIPS:

• Corn is not a vegetable - it's a grain - put it with the breads (Ok they are but they fit better there)
• Potatoes are not a vegetable - they also belong with breads (See above about Corn)
• Do not mix beans with meat - season them and cheese them - much better
• Wrap certain veggies (asparagus, carrots, etc.) with bacon or another good protein
• Tomatoes are a great FRUIT
• Spinach is less potent raw but great for salads and rather yummy - do not cook it

4) It's okay to have food that is bad for you if you portion it correctly - BALANCE

Growing up I was always told that things like Little Debbie and Hostess would make me fat. In excess this is true. They will make you fat a lot quicker than healthier food, but the basic concept is still the same. If you do not over eat and you eat these in moderation you can still stay skinny, be healthy on the inside, and stay happy. My problem growing up is that I had ZERO clue as to what moderation meant. If I ate only one Little Debbie or Hostess snack per meal was that bad?

                WHAT IS MODERATION?

• The amount of weight a food will add to you is called a Calorie - that's why we count them
• Everyone burns a different amount of calories at rest and during activity
• The average person burns around 2,000 calories/day with their regular activities
• You can eat whatever you want as long as you stay under the limit - so if I only burn 1400 I can only eat 1400 unless I engage in extra activity to burn those extra calories - simple really
• Fat + Sugar + Carbs = Fat (so if you are trying to lose weight - try to lose these categories)
• A Zebra Cake (Little Debbie) is 330 Calories, 47 carbs, and 32 sugars - Just for the info, your daily average of 2000 Cals brings you to 1670, carbs to about 200, and sugars to about160. If I ate a whole box of these treats I have consumed most of my calories for the day, more carbs than I should for a day, and more sugars than I should for a day. I can have them - but do I really want them?

Just some thoughts I had about losing weight. By the way my wife and I are still on track and I am currently down about 14 pounds - give or take a few ounces.

Equal Rights - Not Equal Love

One of the hot topics in media today is the topic of homosexual marriage. It's a loaded topic that generally causes people to loudly proclaim their point of view with no thoughts of compromise.

Before I continue, let me be clear on my beliefs regarding law and religion (I'm using the word religion loosely for those who understand that religion means rules and Christianity is a lifestyle).

My view of homosexuality from a religious standpoint:
1)Homosexuality is a sin
2)Homosexual actions mean you deserve hell (To be clear, so do liars, cheats, thieves, idolaters, etc.)
3)The only way to heaven is through Jesus
4)Jesus' blood is enough to cover ANY sin
5)Paul says we are held to a higher standard as Christians and we shouldn't judge non-christians

I don't know that all homosexuals will go to hell because I believe Jesus' blood is enough to cover all sin. People say that because you choose homosexuality that it's a choice over Jesus, but how many of us choose to lie or eat too much every single day? Gluttony also sends you to hell. Is His precious blood not enough to cover every sin? Is it up to us to judge people for their sins or to lovingly show them Christ and help them "return to the fold"? Paul said that we are supposed to hold one another accountable privately and that it is not for us to judge non-believers. Jesus confirms this when he said that the world already stood condemned before He came. So why should we condemn a condemned man/woman further? We shouldn't. We should love them and show them Christ and let his light shine before men.

My view of homosexuality from a legal standpoint:
1)All people are created equal
2)There is no proof that you are born either straight or gay
3)Marriage is a word largely associated with various religions
4)Currently homosexual couples are not allowed the same rights as heterosexual couples

I personally feel like the label of "marriage" should be removed from the political arena in general simply because of its religious affiliations. The government should not be ascribing any kind of terminology to a union for a union unless it serves more purpose than ascribing benefits. The benefits of being "married" in the governments eyes should simply be offered to all unions, and all unions labeled a "Union." So when my wife and I file taxes we would be a "Union," and so would any homosexually unified couple - placing us all on equal footing with equal rights from our government. For the government to associate a word that as a Christian represents a sacred vow to God with something that in every dialect of translation from the original text the Bible says is wrong, is similar to our country using a painting of Mohammed for public materials. It shouldn't be done. No Christians do not hold a patent to "Marriage" and Islamists do not hold the rights to the image of "Mohammed" or any other deity or prophet. You do this out of respect. Similar to the way that I do not defame other races or genders with derogatory terms or utilize certain words as a euphemism in regards to homosexual people.

If homosexual groups in and of themselves want to refer to their ceremony as marriage - see the first amendment. The government shouldn't be deciding on the terminology of a union, they should simply govern the benefits that go along with it.


ADDITIONAL THOUGHTS TO CONSIDER (NOT NECESSARILY AGREED WITH) :
1) If all unions are acceptable and the government only acknowledges unions, what other unions will need to be considered equal? Multiple unions? Unions with minors? Unions with animals?

2) Previously many homosexual couples had Commitment Ceremonies. If our government extended benefits to these ceremonies and acknowledged them as unions would there still be a fight?

3) What about single people? If everyone in America is equal, then why are special benefits extended to couples? Why cannot individual people simply be allowed into hospitals for the people they care about or have rights equal to couples? If my best friend is a guy and he is single but I am married and his family is deceased, shouldn't he have the right to give me the ability to say what to do if he is on life support? Shouldn't he be able to insure me if he wants to or vice-versa (even if at a higher cost)?

4) If the government can tell you who you can and cannot unify with and can label it in a way that offends certain groups, why can they not tell you what kinds of guns you can or cannot carry and label those guns how they like?

5) If all love is equal - then how come some people break up and others don't? If love was equal in all respects, shouldn't the least amount be just as potent as the largest amount? And if it is strong enough to keep some people together without cheating for whole life spans why is it that there is a significantly higher infidelity rate among homosexuals?

Question Everything

I created and posted this to my Facebook today. It's a joke but really it's also a comment on how people will follow what someone else says simply because they say something that SOUNDS true.

Truth is absolute and must remain that way in order for it to exist. Since we know that truth exists then it needs to be absolute. 

Many times people believe what is told to them simply because it sounds believable. They believe things like "In God We Trust" was taken off of some dollar coins. They believe things like eggs will stand on end on the vernal equinox. They believe that science can prove a preference for writing hand or a sexual preference. None of these things are true.

People in America need to stop believing everything just because it sounds true and do some research. Check some sources for the information that you are given. Ignorance from people in our country is caused by people agreeing with other opinions simply because it sounds good or aligns with what they already presupposed. 

How can you expect to defend what you believe or even believe anything at all if you have no stock invested in discovering the truth of such beliefs? A belief with no research behind it is simply a hunch. 

Living Forever Is Not For The Feint-Hearted

Life is a consistent battle with desire and contentment. It seems that every time you jump the fence the grass beneath your feet withers and what is on the other side seems to get brighter and more lush. 

All of my life I have been told that I could do great things because of some kind of intelligence that I possess. I would argue that intelligence is less important than the ability to navigate yourself socially, which I am despairingly inept with. That said, I suppose I could have gone to Columbia University or I could have done any number of alternate routes with my life but the end result would not be the same balance that I am seeking now. Those desires were not on the other side of the fence.

Biblically speaking and personally speaking I have learned and am coming to know more and more that life is a process of balancing yourself. Jesus calls you to balance yourself with food, your heart, your life, and doing so is a very difficult task. I think the most common difficulty is finding the drive to do these things.

Sometimes the enemy sneaks in to steal your drive and says to you, "Why are you doing this anyway?" He whispers in your ear, "In the end you will be right where you were before." Here's the truth. You can amass all of the longings of your heart on earth and the only thing that will EVER matter is the effect that you had on other people. 

When you die they will sell your belongings. Your house will be taken over by family or sold. Your body will be disposed of either by burial or burning and the only thing left of you is memories, and those are built by your interactions with others. 

WHAT ARE YOU DOING TODAY TO MAKE YOUR IMPACT LAST FOREVER?