Never in my life have I fit into the conventional idea of manliness, and the thing is that when you are a little boy you idolize people like your dad and other adults. My dad has a big beard. I can't grow any hair to save my life. I do not have a stocky build, I am almost genetically coded to be fat unless I regulate every ounce of food I eat and exercise almost 6 days a week. I have such a non-manly voice that total strangers on Xbox Live even mentioned that I sound like a young mentally challenged kid, and I hate to say it but every time I hear a recording of my voice I 100% agree.
I know some women probably read this and are thinking stuff like, "but you are a good husband and a good father" and while that may be true it's not the same feeling. For women I would imagine it's like getting a bra or doing makeup, but then imagine that you never physically develop a need for more than a trainer and you aren't interested in makeup. So I live every day of my entire life defending the things that I like and trying to compensate for the "shortcomings" in my manliness.
There is nothing as desperately lonely as trying to talk about something you legitimately care about with some of your friends when they all look at you like you just arrived from another planet. It is painful almost to a physical level to be in a room full of guys, all exchanging stories about their hobbies, dying to be interested in the same things just so you can "belong."
Nowadays people are conditioned to be nice to people like me, but quite honestly it just feels like charity 9/10 times. You get the, "Hey man, that's cool" reply and then they are off to do whatever without you and you sit alone in your room writing poetry and drawing. I never wanted guys to be nice to me against their natural instincts. I never wanted them to be nice at all, really. I just want to be able to fit at least a finger into the traditional mold of manliness because it's something that you think about as a kid.
For an adult man who has a high pitched voice, doesn't like watching sports, doesn't drink beer, cannot grow facial hair, is overweight, enjoys poetry and lyricism, enjoys comic books and art, doesn't like hunting, doesn't like fishing, but likes acting and music the world can be a very intimidating place and every single hour of every single day is filled with reminders that you still are not accepted into the fold.
Hang the fold and all in it (so to speak)
ReplyDeleteWhat is it to be a man, what is it to be a women? I think they are up to each and every person to decide.
It's one of the reasons I love anime, in many way it challenges the "norms" we are faced with. Is a man only a man if he hunts/fishes/lifts weight? What if a women does those things in many's eyes she is considered a "Tomboy" or a girl posing in some ways as a guy, but really does it matter who likes what?
If you like art, like art, if you like sports like sports, but don’t like something cause it’s considered “Normal to your gender roles”
We are human beings, created in the image of God, to limit our selves to such stereotypical interests is beneath us, we are capable of so much more, so much more variety, colors and flavors.
I’m not looked on as a girl by man, I wear guy “wife beaters” don’t shave my legs or arm pits more than five times a year and will run around in shorts and sleeveless t-shirts, no I don’t have a job so I can get away with a bit more, but quiet frankly I don’t think it matters. My figure isn’t womanly, and I don’t wear make up or primp my hair at all. But I also gave up trying to be a “womanly figure” long ago, not out of anger, but out of it’s a simple waste of effort.
Each gender, each person comes in many different shapes and sizes, and we do for a reason. And that reason can simply because if we had to look at 3 billion identical men or 3 billion identical women our eyes would get sick and tired of it.
There are people who will enjoy your company and participate in your hobbies, but sometimes we have to dig a bit deeper and search a bit longer for them :)
I think that you should be happy with what you are, because to be yourself is a lot better than being like every other man on the planet.
Being an artist, or a lyricist, there is no shame in either. :) You are a bright person, give yourself a bit more credit, and stop looking at all you aren’t and start looking at all you are. ^__^
This is more a commentary. I don't resent people for being the way they are. I don't hate people for not "welcoming me into the fold." It's basically a blog about how somedays I just want my interests to fit in and for things to be easy.
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