I hate change. I hate the inevitable feeling where you know for certain you are leaving something good behind you to go on to something else. I hate change.
When I was a child I was a dreamer. I always dreamed that one day I would leave my home and live in a home where I could look over golden fields and enjoy life. I dreamed that I would be doing something I love for a living and that my wife and kids would be completely in tune with what I wanted vice versa so that we all live in harmony. I had a dream that I would leave the small town I grew up in and go somewhere big, do big things, make big impressions, and live a big life.
When I was a teen I was a drifter. I drifted from place to place looking for someone who could accept me with all of my inadequacies. I drifted from belief to belief wishing that somehow I would come to the right answer. I drifted further from the family that I once knew and drifted even further away from the people who tried to replace them. I let my morals drift from the narrow prism that once held my mind. I drifted from the innocence of childhood into the exploration of youth and adulthood. I drifted from the purity of being naive to the filthiness of knowing the truth.
When I was in my early 20's I was an explorer. I explored the boundaries of the world and the freedoms it had to offer. I explored deeper relationship with my then girlfriend/now wife. I explored my beliefs and dove deep into the core of what they really meant. I explored the pitfalls of disobedience and the tyranny of submission.
When I was in my early 20's I was an explorer. I explored the boundaries of the world and the freedoms it had to offer. I explored deeper relationship with my then girlfriend/now wife. I explored my beliefs and dove deep into the core of what they really meant. I explored the pitfalls of disobedience and the tyranny of submission.
Now I am a man with regrets. I regret not taking advantage of life as a child. I regret spending so much time dreaming rather than living a life that I now know is only possible during that age. I regret wanting to do big things and make big impressions but not taking the immediate steps to do so. I regret my inadequacies and the drifting I did from one belief to another. I regret distancing myself from everyone around me and kedging myself into an open ocean without a true ally. I regret giving up naivety for knowledge. I regret exploring freedom further than what I should have. I regret exploring disobedience rather than training myself up to be strong.
When I was a dreamer I was protected by the imperfect love of the people that surrounded me, and it felt perfect. When I was a drifter the waves were calmed by the people who paved the paths for me to drift upon. When I was an explorer those who drew near to me were a safety net catching me each and every time I fell, which has already been regrettably quite frequently.
I hate change. I hate when you know you can no longer hold onto a piece of yourself that you have long held on to hoping to have it back. I hate when the flicker of hope that once shined in a far off star no longer shines and you keep peering deeper hoping to find the same light you've known so long. I hate change.
I hate change. I hate when you know you can no longer hold onto a piece of yourself that you have long held on to hoping to have it back. I hate when the flicker of hope that once shined in a far off star no longer shines and you keep peering deeper hoping to find the same light you've known so long. I hate change.
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